Thank you for any good that I may have done, I'm so sorry about the bad.
There are lessons to be found here but mostly I do this so you can know me. Lately, as I write these, I realize they are as much for me as they are for you. This is the one place I can be completely open. The pen and paper has no judgment, no vote, it simply receives my truth and allows me to turn the page. And today, this is my truth.
I am terrified a great deal of the time; afraid of what I’ve done, of what I’m doing, and of what I might have to do. It’s not a crippling fear, in fact it’s just the opposite: I thrive on it, I crave it. I need that rush of terror to get me out of bed in the morning. It’s in my DNA… I think what brings me the most sorrow is that I’ve learned to justify this behavior. I always find a reason, a cause, a need, that allows me the karmic lubrication to stuff my guilt into a savage compartment. I’ve become the thing, the one I hated.
And with that awareness comes periods of days, sometimes weeks, when I have to avoid looking into a mirror. My self hate is so deep, so palpable, I fear I’ll lunge at my own image, shatter the glass and cut myself with shards of broken reflection… Now my doubt and sense of fraudulence bark so loudly in my head that most of the time I can’t hear anything else. Love, camaraderie, freedom, all the things I want from this life are lost in the din.
A Great Day In Harlem by Art Kane, 1958
A Great Day In Harlem Survivors by Gordon Parks, 1996
(via thechanelmuse & aichlee)
"I was kind of a bully, even though I’m tiny, 5’ 2". As a child, I’d boss other kids around and dress my little brother up, just putting on shows, singing and dressing up."
(via ethiopienne & maryscotss)
People believe that little white kids in the suburbs have the right to live. They have the right to be happy. They have the right to peace. When it comes to black babies in urban neighborhoods, people don’t believe these children deserve to have similar rights. When people say things like ‘I can’t believe this would happen here,’ they are effectively saying that there are some neighborhoods where these tragic outcomes are far more acceptable. I reject this notion entirely, and it is reflective of both white supremacy and classism.
(via ethiopienne & maarnayeri)